How would you describe your relationship with food?

When I ask people this question, one of the most frequent answers I get is “I have a love-hate relationship with food.”

Some other common responses include:

• Bad

• Complicated

• Obsessive

• Unhealthy

• Stressful

• Guilt-ridden

• Difficult

• All-or-nothing

• Controlling

• Compulsive

• Anxiety-filled

• Unsatisfying

• Negative

• Judgmental

• Fearful

• Punitive

Do any of these descriptors resonate with you?

I See It Differently Now
Many years ago, when I was restricting my eating in an effort to lose weight and be a "clean eater," I probably would have described my relationship with food as good, healthy, disciplined. 

As I was so entrenched in diet and wellness cultures, I couldn’t see how disordered my eating had become. I thought I was being good, doing the right thing. 

This belief was often reinforced by many of the people around me, who often praised my eating. I don’t blame them; we live in a culture that normalizes and celebrates disordered eating. 

Ironically, I also considered myself to be a passionate foodie even though I rarely ate anything that wasn't on my diet-approved safe list. Instead, I took a lot of joy in watching others consume the foods I was excited about it.

Looking back now, I would describe my relationship with food as all-consuming, hypervigilant, calculated, rigid, black-and-white, moralistic, fraught, tense, isolating and utterly exhausting. 

Of course, some aspects of it were pleasurable, at least for brief moments until I reached the point of uncomfortable fullness (overeating is a natural response to food deprivation), and before my inner Food Police started shouting at me (“You were so bad! You need to make up for it!).

What Do You Want?
In addition to asking folks how they would describe their relationship with food, I also like to ask what type of relationship they would like to have.

Easy, guilt-free, peaceful, positive, pleasurable and neutral are just a few of the words that come to mind.

"I just want food to be food" is a common refrain.

When you reflect on this question, what comes up for you? 

And what’s standing in between where you are now and where you would like to be?

Here are some tips that I share with my clients:

• Delay: As you realize that a craving is coming up, try not to respond immediately. Give yourself a 5-minute delay and then another 5. Cravings are difficult, but they usually pass fairly quickly. Give yourself 5 to 15 minutes and begin practicing one or more of the other 4 Ds below.

• Distract: Distract yourself by redirecting your mind and to shifting your attention away from thoughts of the craving. Be mindful that food ads on TV can physiologically awaken appetite for fast foods shown. When you feel most vulnerable to feel cravings, make sure to manage your exposure to TV ads. Try doing immersive tasks like crossword puzzle , take a bath instead, or knitting, go for a walk, or write brief journal entries.

• Drink Water: Many times the body needs hydration and we may misinterpret that by craving carbohydrates. You may want to practice mindful hydration by redirecting the brain's attention to the trajectory of the water in your mouth and down your throat as you swallow it.

• Deep Breathing: Try practicing mindful breathing with longer exhales. Notice the air entering your nostrils. Invite your abdominal area to be relaxed. Notice the lower sides of your ribs, the last ribs closest to your hips, expanding sideways as you inhale like wings. Little by little increase your feeling of calmness by making the exhale twice the length of the inhale. Gently invite your belly button in as you empty your lungs completely, and then relax the abdominal area again before you breathe in.

• Discuss: Discuss your cravings with someone you trust. This will bring surprising revelations that will come from within you that are brought up to the surface by talking to a friend. Remember, if you feel an urge to eat when you are not hungry, you are not alone , many of us experience that from time to time. A friend may also have an insight to share.

The Key to Keep Freedom Going:

To avoid cravings and emotional eating on the long-term one needs metabolic stability. Stable blood sugar, happen when we have a robust protein and fat intake every 3-4 hours. Avoiding naked carbs is another key component, which means always having carbs in combination with fat and protein. Lastly aligning the carb intake with your exercise intensity and duration is key. Yes, you can consider having less carbohydrate in the days that you exercise less!